Posted in Humor, Opinion

There she goes …

“Women drivers are like stars in the sky. You can see them but they can’t see you.  “

Well …  That does tickle the funny bone, doesn’t it ?  But there is no denying a lot of other things… like…

We are a compassionate lot… we feel sorry for a bump on our enemy’s car

We don’t drive the stone-deaf mini-trucks / relic water lorries / screeching share- autos

At any point in time, the number of sober ‘us’ is more than the number of sober ‘you’

We don’t manhandle the rear view mirror of others’ cars so our bikes can pass through

Gravity defying stuff with a motorbike  (for you know what) is not our style

We were not responsible for recycling footpaths into motorbike tracks.

We don’t bully poor drivers by honking when the signal is Red

All we ask is for a ‘little more space’ to move about the road , and an equal opportunity to get confused between right and left 😉

Posted in Humor, Opinion

Wardrobe Malfunction

Another burst of creativity , or may be I am more bored. You see, that is where the confusion begins. I am perennially confused. Those fleeting moments when my confusion leaves me, I am depressed. Confusion saves me from the many troubles of exploring uncharted terrains and reaching glorious heights. Who said the view at the top is worth it? I think a Sony Bravia does a better job.

And so the rant continues, albeit 2 years later.

Clothes maketh the man, I heard. The day I saw a Dhinchak Dhoti worn with black boots, Clothes shaketh my faith. After that, my sartorial experience has been quite downhill. Wasn’t Rajnikanth’s shoe-sense in Muthu supposed to be the worst thing that could happen? How can a living mortal surpass that one?

It shouldn’t take more than a pea-sized brain to put some basic colours together. Mr. Moron dressed to the T in Brown and Blue, designer sun glasses at 7 in the evening, you don’t save much by buying a small shirt that bursts at the seams. Your fat cells must be laughing at your idea of hiding that pot belly in those sutures.

Amidst the ubiquitous jeans, ill-fitting Tees and ample plastic jewelry, comes the diva sashaying in an Anarkali suit for every occasion. If all that is left after the suit is a wee bit of your toe peeping out, then maybe this suit is for someone else? Although the Sanjay Leela Bhansali look makes one feel royal on the first try,  it presents a duck -like demeanor to the onlooker quite often. And no, a stole is no replacement for a Dupatta (and please, Dupatta is not a shawl).

And so I look up, in awe, at the many women and men who have cracked the code of fine dressing. Elegance, refinement, subtlety wrapped in one. But it is not before long that I find myself saying,” What an icky snob! ”

I suppose it takes all kinds. And it is fun to slide between the extremes. 😉

Posted in Humor

Tuk Tuk Haggling

This one is for all those who love the auto 🙂

The 3 -wheeled bug (also called a Rick) looks sooo cute! . And the name ‘Tuk Tuk’ makes it sound so adorable. Alas! The rose comes in a thorn shrub – the Auto Driver ! If you have even stepped into Chennai City for a day, you will know what I mean.

Ground Rules
Before you get into the auto, fix the price for your journey.(The meter is static in static condition and static in running condition.)If you are still alive after hearing the ‘quote’, start the haggling process. If he quotes 100, start at 60. If the guy doesnt believe in negotiation, walk away before he asks you to(The dignity saving move) If he does negotiate(this is more likely), still walk away. Our hero is used to this game. He will give his final  when you have reached the rear wheel of the auto. Crib like you are unhappy and get in.He will repeat the gesture for you (You know,Petrol price is up and all).

 

The Roadmap in a Rolls Royce
This guy is typically found near Koyambedu bus stop, Kathipara flyover and Chennai Central. Any place you ask will be faaaar away and we will need his Rolls Royce to cover the distance.T he quotation will look more like a cost to the moon and back. Some road has been made one-way for him. ‘Suthitu poganam’ he says. And then the journey is full of twists and turns, more like a daily soap (Come a long way, but not too far from where it all started). And all the while, the map cribs.

Walking Ballot Box
The auto has a picture of Amma /Ayya/the red and black flag/the black and red flag. In a way, it is a caution on the kind of political view expected from the passenger. God save you if he is not a follower of the ruling party. Even the rainmade pothole is the outcome of administrative inefficiency.The strong political views ring in your ears, long after the dude in khaki has found his next audience.

Karl Marx in Khaki
This guy runs some small time press and claims his newspaper to be widely read and appreciated for ‘truth and boldness’. He is a poet and a socialist. (Due respect to his socialism, but we dont need to listen to every poem you have written, not when we dont understand most of it). Whats more? He is the angry young man – Big B and Style Icon in a bundle. Dont come in his way! Just listen to his speech (you dont have any option, considering it isnt wise to jump out of a running auto.Trust me, the urge would be too strong)

Gin(ie) in a bottle
Well… this one has…ahem…got a little ‘tipsy’. Say your best prayers.

The Business Class
This has got to do more with the auto… posh interiors et al… with Vijay to the right and the ever-so-colourful Vijaykanth looming on the left of the seat. Virtual passengers, eh? There is also in-auto audio entertainment. ‘Peppy’ tamil numbers bring a treat to the ear drums and add to the pleasant Chennai summer.Call that business class travelling, probably.

Shhhh koi hai
Is this driver plain grumpy? Is he the epitome of serenity ? or Are we not wanted in his auto? I dont know.But there is this eerie silence about him…

Hopefully you got the right change! Else,Happy Landing to you 🙂

Dont think running to Bengaluru is an escape! Thats a different story altogether. At any point of time,

  • No auto will go where you want to go.
  • Invariably, every auto will pay tribute to the fuel station in peak traffic.
  • And Himesh Reshmiya will be excited with this fan following…
Posted in Humor

The Balancing Act

I LOVE Finance. Its the best riddle I have encountered in all the years I have walked this earth.

When I set out on my MBA, I wanted to be an Investment Banker. The linguistic appeal of the job title was just too good.

Day 1 – Enthusiasm has its own way of showing itself… like arriving 10 minutes early for a class and waiting along with the popular IIT monkeys for the classroom to be opened. The Prof arrives and forecasts the surity of surprise tests.  The whiteboard is partitioned into Assets and Liabilities. Half way down the 2 hour session, the borders on the board starts blurring away.

End Of Day – Whatis that grocery list doing on the classroom board, eh?

Day 2 and 3 pass (un)eventfully with each day lending greater clarity to the obscurity called Financial Management. My professor gives me an occasional ‘What Nithya? All Clear?’ to which I nod away.( I am still confident that, under serene circumstances, a thorough investigation of the book would make me proficient in the ‘Balancing Act’)
Day 4. SURPRISE TEST!!!I had a field day trying to classify Assets and Liabilities.When I submitted my answer sheet, I stopped worrying that the two columns did not get equal justice.
For the rest of the term,Profit and Loss statements had me at a permanent loss and when Cash Flow Satements came into my life, all hell broke loose . Surprise tests came and went, but the score was never a pleasant surprise.

The rest of the term went in blissful somnambulance. But as the saying goes, ‘Failure is the stepping(tripping) stone to success’
Financial Management II went (un)expectedly well and the protagonist rose like a Phoenix. Investment Banker I would be.

When all is going too well. you are missing out on something – The Working Capital Management paper at the close of year 1.I was the damsel in distress.Working capital never worked.To add insult to the injury, the prof kept harping on what we did in the first term(remember all the cash cow stuff?) . So attributed the poor grades to scheduling an exam on New Year’s Day.

When I chose electives in year II, I made sure all associations with my past life, as an Investment-Banker-To-Be, were discarded.